My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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