I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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