goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
