First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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