You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
