Just fell off a train. Bad.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
