I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
