Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
