Only a mothe r could love this liver
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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