At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
