where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
