We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
