please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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