Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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