my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
