herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
