Please, let me fuck your mom
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
