I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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