Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
