Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
