she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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