Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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