Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
