dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
