just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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