It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
