i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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