dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just tell him i said nine months
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
