I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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