You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
