i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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