I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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