What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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