Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
