when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
