If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize