Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
