Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
