all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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