Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
