YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
