She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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