Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
