I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
