carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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