if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
