chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
