erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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