You're a womanizer and a bitch.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
