Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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