Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You made out with two different species that night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
