I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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