she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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