nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Let's get the cat blown out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize