Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
