Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
