You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
