It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
