Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
