I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
