it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
