My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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