i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I smell like Dick and happiness
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
