Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize