Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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