Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
