I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
