your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
