thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
