1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
