why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
