you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
