I heard we made out
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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