I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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