Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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