In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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