You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
