So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
