i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
