Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize