Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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