all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He shit in the fireplace
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
