PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
