Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there was a trapeze. enough said
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
