Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
