I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
