Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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