this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
