Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
