found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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