you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
