That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
