I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this will be a night to untag.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
