I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
