One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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