last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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