Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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