just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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