new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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