you would pick up someone in the library
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
