tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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