We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize