K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
